A model for understanding causes
The carrot is a problem-solving model I developed to help us understand the reason behind behaviors. We can use it in all kinds of situations where problems arise. There are ALWAYS reasons for behaviors. Especially children try with their behaviors to explain to us adults what they feel and need.
Often we try to simply stop behaviors. This rarely works in the long run. Only when we find out the cause of the behavior can we make a lasting change. It’s like carrots. If I go out into a carrot field, all I see is green leaves. It’s only when I get the shovel out that I can get my hands on the bright yellow, juicy carrot, which is both tasty and healthy. Children’s behaviors are like the leaves. We see the behavior. But it’s not until we start digging that we can discover a great need that lies beneath.
The best shovel to dig with to find the need is the word “why” – why is the person behaving this way? Asking the person – the child, the teenager, the adult, the group – doesn’t always give many answers, because often we don’t know why we behave in a certain way. In the carrot model, we guess together instead. “What could make a 4-year-old bite his little brother?” “What could be the reasons why a man hits his wife?”
We then guess together. Even if the person is sitting in the room, we don’t ask the question directly to that person, but we explore together.
Once we have come up with some possible “why”, we can think for a moment about how we think the person feels in the situations where the behavior appears. What does the person feel? In the body?
How does the person feel about their emotions?
What does the person think about themselves and others?
What is the person afraid of? What does the person long for?
Our feelings and our thoughts, our fears and our desires, influence how we behave.
Based on what we have learned, we can start exploring what the person needs. And based on the needs, we can start thinking of solutions. Because if the person’s needs are reasonably met, the behavior will most likely stop.
To find the best solution, it can be helpful to compare the proposed solution with long-term goals. The long-term goals are like a compass.
We try one solution at a time. It’s a good idea to evaluate after a few days or a week. We continue with what works well. If it doesn’t work, we let it go and try another of the possible solutions we have come up with.